The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
so much tequila, so little girl.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
