I wanna passion pit in your ass
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
