He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You did what with his pubic hair?
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