So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize