where does the pee come out of this thing
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
