I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
