She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
