and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
