He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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