Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
