My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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