What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
