I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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