it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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