I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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