I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
