College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Let's paint friendship bongs
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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