This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
