I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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