My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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