Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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