I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He better not be in your backpack
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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