The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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