Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize