Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
