so that wasnt chicken after all
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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