I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
