I got chris browned last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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