I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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