Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
