he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize