Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
