Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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