is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
