so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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