im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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