why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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