I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
