thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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