You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
