I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
