Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
