I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
