This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
