I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the raccoons are back...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
