it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
