Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
