I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
