By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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