You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize