sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
