hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
