Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
