Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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