I wish I could teleport
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My liver is preforming stress tests.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
