I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
