once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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