Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
