OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
