I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize