The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
