Where did you get a picture of my penis
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
