i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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