No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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