in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The air was thick with penises
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
