Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
