Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
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