The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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