I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
