oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My feet surprised me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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