That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
