I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
