Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
