...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
