You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
