I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
