so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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