what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
