Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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