it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Bring me that man meat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
